Secret Weapons of the Resistance #1: Bovine Torpedoes

In “High Steaks”, the most recent addition to the Quantum Series, readers encounter this weird, otherworldy phenomenon: bovine torpedoes. What are they, and more importantly – why? …just …why?

Necessity – as that oft referenced mother of invention – is sometimes pressed into service in ways rather more urgently and possibly inconsiderate than under ideal conditions. In so-called ideal conditions, one would have plenty of time to evaluate pros and cons of a solution, and just gently coax it along – such as with a carrot and perhaps a little mayo on the end.

[Incidentally, in order to see the rest of these articles in this series, click on the category name Secret Weapons of the Resistance.]

Not having much time to opt for the former, it fell to the crew of that extremely unique and unforgettable old loderunner, the Celeste, to find their solution under pressure! Of course, their solution to the problem of being an unarmed commercial ship running a blockade of armed hostile ships in orbit over Deanna – while more akin to spam in a can than anything to do with carrots – was extremely creative!

Commercial cargo carriers – loderunners – did not come with blasters or phasers, or other weapons, and so when Celeste managed to break out of the Atro City space port (which was then on lockdown by the revolutionaries) the crew assumed they were home free. Not so. Once they reached orbit, they discovered one of the D.S.L.’s armed paramilitary partol ships waiting for them! A warning shot was fired – and a text message replete with a salvo of multiple exclamation marks followed. What were Timaset Skooch, Dory, Jonn Deire, Vic, Bubba and Triple-J supposed to do about it?

Ahem. What indeed?

Cue the aforementioned mother – and her slightly bruised maternal instincts this time round took note of the fact that the Celeste still happened to be carrying a cargo of red-horned wildebeest. The Celeste also happened to have a brand new transmatter system installed, which gave the crew some rather unconventional ideas about putting the two together! And why not? The enemy hadn’t even bothered to raise their shields yet – they were only an unarmed loderunner, after all!

Vic – the Celeste’s cargo-master had already had to sedate the poor quadrupeds in the cargo deck just to keep them from trampling each other or falling down unexpectedly – which was just about all the time. Plus, they were also in ‘must’ – their breeding season, which made it risky being around them at all (if one didn’t want to have a funny walk)!

To sum up, instead of blasting the hostile ship – and the two others that turned up afterwards – with blasters and other weapons they didn’t have, the crew of Celeste sent over a couple of carefully placed er – care packages using the transmatter! Clusters of red-horned wildebeest cows were beamed off the cargo deck by Vic, and rematerialized in key areas of the D.S.L.’s ships – engine room, bridge – and in the corridors… where things could get extremely claustrophobic with a couple of disoriented, angry, frightened – and horny – critters the size of an adult bull trying to find their way outside!

Imagine the surprise (and shock) of the enemy when a dozen large, furry, rectangular critters – bleating and mooing – appeared out of nowhere, and proceded to stampede and smash the inside of their nice, clean, shiny ships into oblivion! Control desks were overturned, crewmen flattened by falling cows, and dung sprayed everywhere! According to a well-placed source, getting cornered and pummeled by a RHWB in ‘must’ would be enough to make the hardiest of goose-stepping he-men long for a little sweet, gentle death. But enough – I think you get the picture!

Lock and load! Standby to fire bovine torpedoes!

Feel free to email or message me via Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn if you have any comments or questions!

Cheers until next time!


A little about “High Steaks“:

Troubled times had come to the small Terran Colony planet of Deanna – and having amusing names for its sun (Ramalama) and two moons (Ding and Dong) hadn’t made this quaint little world immune to bad things. After a shock assassination, the three largest cities on Deanna have been overrun by separatist troops and the former Governor has gone into hiding! The quirky little world seems about to be enveloped in a destructive civil war – replete with a supporting cast of heroes, villains, aliens, victims, perpetrators, volunteers, vampires, war veterans, space battles, bovine torpedoes – and a little time travel on the side.

“High Steaks” is the sixth title in the Quantum Series by Christina Engela.


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All material copyright © Christina Engela, 2019.



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