Sometimes The Best Way To Find Yourself, Is To Look Elsewhere

How does a normal, average guy get to grips with finding out the girl he’s been dating, used to be a guy…too?

I’m sure there’ve been reams written about this question – from all sorts of angles: his… hers… ‘society’s’… the religious and so-called ‘moral’ viewpoint – the indefensable ‘gay panic defense‘ – and also more typically, a plethora of ‘opinions’ about transgender people from an overwhelmingly ignorant, ill-informed cisgender peanut gallery.

Trouble is, when it comes down to it – nobody knows more about what it’s like to be a transgender person dealing with transgender issues and obstacles – or someone dating them, than the people dealing with it themselves. Unfortunately,this limits the capacity of those who know and experience these issues, to convey them effectively to others.

Take for example, Tim. He’s a regular, average dude. He used to be a cop until he decided he’d had enough of getting shot at for not much – so he quit to work for himself as a P.I. – and now gets shot at pretty much for free. One night after work, he went out pub-crawling with some mates and met this girl. She was radiant, ravishing, thought he was kinda cute drunk – and he was ready to go. So they did – to her place. And the next thing he knew, he woke up in her bed feeling like hammered crap to the sound of her in the loo – peeing standing up. So he left, in a big hurry, very hastily picking up his clothes on his way out.

Thing is, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her eyes, her lips, the awesome conversation they’d had… and of course, the big finish! How come he hadn’t noticed? How drunk was he? …but he still couldn’t stop thinking about her… So, after spending a few days at his local gym doing laps and cardio, and with buddies, watching war movies and wrestling on TV, Tim looked her up again… and a couple of years later, he still hadn’t moved out.

How did Tim handle the realization that he’d fallen in love with a particularly effeminate guy girl called Dorian? And more to the point, how did he deal with other people in his life knowing about it? Was he secretive about it? You betcha! Well, for the most part… but there were exceptions to the rule – though they were few. Dory didn’t look obvious, so he didn’t have to shoulder the additional stress of being ‘caught out’ in public spaces – like at a restaurant for instance… but the whole situation left him with more questions than answers – questions like:

Was he gay? Did dating Dory mean he was? Was it a label he had to wear? …and did it make him any less a ‘man’? Even if he copped a lot of flak from friends, family – and even clients, or …people he met in the course of his job as a private investigator, who tried their level best to kick his ‘nancy-boy’ head in because of it – Tim didn’t think so.

Dory didn’t think so either. In fact, if anything, Dory wanted to be ‘less of a man’ herself, and to realize her dream of living fulltime as her authentic self as Dory – and she wanted Tim to stick around with her aferwards. Dory had decided that she wanted – had – to do this for herself, and that it was going to happen, with – or without him.

When she broke the news to Tim, it came as something of a shock – after all, he’d only just recently, more or less – come to terms with people (and himself) thinking of him as gay. Would this mean he would be straight again? Errrmmm… he somehow had his doubts anyone else would be as convinced as he was about who Dory really was. Or him. Not that what other people he didn’t share a bed – and his life – with, thought mattered to Tim, but – well, it was all rather overwhelming.

Tim was a proud man – well, he wanted to be – but how ould he really feel that pride was justified when he wasn’t making enough money to support Dory – or to even feel like he wasn’t sponging off her. After all, Dory was financially independent, and ran her own interior decorating and landscaping business. Did this mean he was a deadbeat?

Would he stick around and see it through? Or would he finally bail on the relationship – and seemingly cave in to peer pressure?

Tim needed to figure things out! Fortunately, as luck would have it, he’d just won a small, slightly run-down ship in a game of UNO (long story), and this offered him a chance to clear his head and work out what he wanted to do!

So it was that Timaset Skooch became the skipper of the loderunner Celeste, and with Dory’s late blessing, set off in search of his fortune… and hopefully to find something else along the way: himself.

Would Tim return home to Dory, ready to accept her as she truly was?

Perhaps, in the end, what it came down to was how much he really loved her.

To find out how it worked out for Tim and Dory, read “Loderunner” , book 4 in the Quantum Series by Christina Engela.

Action! Adventure! Comedy! LGBT Heroes!

Returning from an evening in Mars City spent visiting relatives he didn’t know he had, Timaset Skooch arrived at the local space port to find his new acquisition stolen. A few minutes later, the crew of his slightly run-down loderunner “Celeste”, returned from a nearby pub, blind drunk, puzzled, and now unemployed as well.

Ever since he’d decided to quit being a P.I. and to try his hand at running cargo instead, things had just blown up in Skooch’s face one day at a time (Florpavian Flamebirds tended to do that occasionally). Between the labor disputes and accidental deaths among the crew (who believed in settling disputes internally) Tim began to get a headache worse than the ones he got from getting kicked in the head. Just now, things had gone pear-shaped again, and he found himself in the middle of a kind of cat and mouse game with some cloaks and daggers thrown in for good measure.

He was sure it had something to do with the 10,000 credits he’d been offered to transport two passengers to an asteroid in the rings of – um, Jupiter (as soon as possible, no questions asked) by a middle-man with no neck and a tendency to smile a lot. Trouble was, now the mob – or someone – seemed to be out to kill them all. He was beginning to regret ever winning that card game…

Loderunner” is the fourth title in the Quantum Series by Christina Engela.

#LGBTheroes #scifi #fictionwriting #loveislove #humanrights #transgender #gay #transrights

If you would like to know more about Christina Engela and her writing, please feel free to browse her website.

If you’d like to send Christina Engela a question about her life as a writer or transactivist, please send an email to or use the Contact form.

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All material copyright © Christina Engela, 2019.


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